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Church Growth 5 min read

Why People Blame The Church

People often blame the church for their problems and use it as the reason they've left. Find out why they're placing blame and what you can do.

Updated May 27, 2020
Why People Blame The Church

It’s far too common for people to blame the church for any and everything. Most of the time, the church isn’t to blame at all. However, there are some issues that church leaders may be able to learn from. You can take the complaints and use them to improve the church. While you’ll never make everyone that comes through your doors happy, it does help to understand why they’re blaming the church in the first place.

They Can’t Find The Right Community

custom church website buttonCommunity is one of the top reasons people attend church, outside of worship, of course. In fact, 78% of millennials stated that community was the top quality of their ideal church. If the atmosphere isn’t as welcoming and friendly as visitors would like, they blame the church. It could easily be that they didn’t stay long enough for anyone to get to know them or to get involved in anything. It could also be a chance to create a welcome plan for new visitors and work with members to get everyone more involved.

They Feel Like Leaders Are Disconnected

Church visitors want to feel like church leaders are connecting with them. If there’s a disconnect, they blame the church. This can actually go both ways and you shouldn’t feel as if you have to take the blame. Think of it as an opportunity to look for ways to better connect. For instance, does your church have a website or social presence for members to engage with the church outside of worship hours? Simply being more modern can bridge the disconnect gap and reduce blame.

They Dislike The High School Mentality

Drama is never fun, but it’s a common thing that people blame the church for. A simple disagreement between two members can easily spiral out of control and make your church community seem more like a drama filled high school. While you can’t be responsible for monitoring your members’ behavior, try to take notice of any issues and offer private messaging online during certain hours to make it easy for members to come to you when something’s going wrong.

They Don’t Want To Be Like Everyone Else

Individuality is important, especially to younger members. The moment they feel like they have to be like every other member, they blame the church for trying to take away that all important individuality. Visitors and members want a church community that is filled with individuals. Take a look at your community. Does everyone seem to always have the same opinions, dress similar and even do all the same hobbies? While it’s not the church’s fault, some people place blame instead of just continuing to be themselves.

They Aren’t Interested In Politics

grow your church buttonPolitics are one thing that should always exist outside the church. It should be a safe sanctuary from the chaos that is politics and government. Yet, some churches do get involved and even go so far as to try to sway their members to vote one way or the other. This means it’s not uncommon for people to blame the church for a political candidate winning or losing. Discussing politics just alienates part of your church community and may push out potential new members.

They Aren’t Growing Spiritually

Spiritual growth is part of attending church, but some people blame the church if they don’t grow as much as they want. The only problem is each individual is also responsible for that growth. The only thing church leaders can do is make sure they’re connecting with members and discussing issues that may be relevant. Making time to talk to members outside of church or online is a way to guide members towards the growth they want, but ultimately it’s up to each person to grow when they’re ready. People will always blame the church, but you shouldn’t take the blame personally. Learn and grow from complaints when possible. Otherwise, just try to connect with and reach as many people as possible.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do people blame the church when they leave?

Common reasons include not finding the right community, feeling disconnected from leaders, disliking drama or a “high school mentality,” feeling pressured to conform, frustration over politics in the pulpit, and a sense they aren’t growing spiritually. Most of the time the church isn’t truly at fault, but each complaint is worth hearing. Some point to real blind spots you can learn from and improve.

Should church leaders take complaints personally?

No. You’ll never make everyone who walks through your doors happy, and a lot of blame is misplaced. The healthier approach is to separate the noise from the signal: don’t carry guilt for things outside your control, but stay humble enough to learn from the complaints that reveal something real. Then keep your focus on connecting with and reaching as many people as you can.

Should churches get involved in politics?

It’s wise to keep partisan politics outside the church. The sanctuary should be a refuge from the chaos of politics, not another arena for it. When churches push members to vote a certain way, they alienate part of the congregation and can push out potential new members. People will even blame the church when a candidate they dislike wins or loses, which only deepens division.

How can a church help visitors find community?

Community is one of the top reasons people attend church; 78% of millennials called it the top quality of their ideal church. Create an intentional welcome plan for new visitors and work with members to draw newcomers into groups and ministries early. Many people leave simply because they didn’t stay long enough for anyone to get to know them, so close that gap fast.

How can a church website reduce the disconnect people feel?

A modern church website and social presence give members a way to engage with leaders and each other outside of Sunday morning. That accessibility bridges the gap people feel when they think leaders are distant, and it offers a private channel to reach out when something’s wrong. Simply being more modern and reachable goes a long way toward reducing blame.

Start engaging your church community more by contacting REACHRIGHT today to see how to create a virtual foyer for members and visitors.

Topics church attendance church leadership member engagement unchurched
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Thomas Costello, Founder & CEO of REACHRIGHT church marketing agency
Thomas Costello

Founder & CEO of REACHRIGHT. Executive Pastor at New Hope Hawaii Kai. 20+ years of church leadership across 4 states, now helping 800+ churches reach the people searching for them online.

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